WORKAHOLIC PALAVA

There, I was rushing off to work....as usual a bit late. it was 7:35am on the 1st of July 2013 and my new month resolution was to always be on time. Applying lipstick as I looked through the rear view mirror, I knew it will be tough to beat the early morning traffic.

I woke up as usual at 6:30am, said my morning prayers and dozed for another 10 minutes before dragging myself off to the bathroom to perform my daily hygienic duties flipping on and off switches as I walked across the room. Thinking in my mind "God give me the luxury to one day be able to get out of bed at late afternoon on a working day" I rushed through my bath, clothing, hair and make up, grabbed a Muller corner yoghurt (my latest addiction) from the refrigerator, and my handbag on my way out the door. I looked back trying to remember if I left on any electric gadget.

Mondays are usually busy days and its best to start out early if I were to leave before 5:00pm.  I had three meetings lined up, and I was meeting some publishers at lunch time. Driving out, I decided to take a shortcut in order to avoid the traffic that I am sure must have built up. Taking a sharp turn into a dirt road that leads to a shortcut,  I nearly hit a stray dog."Gerraout of the way" I yelled, as if the dog could hear me though my wound up car windows. It merely took a step away from the looming car Tyre turn to look as me with big sad eyes as if accusingly, then limped away ever slowly, flies trailing in its wake, oblivious to my temperament.

I almost hit the car roof as the car dipped into a porthole. "Jesus take the wheel..." My muttering turned to surprise as I hit Teshie expressway and saw that there were no cars on the road save a few "tro-tro" (danfo/commercial buses).  The road was free! I realised it was the first time I had seen the road without a traffic jam since I relocated to East Legon in January. Singing along to Enya's "May it be" in my best imitation opera voice i felt like I had won the lottery. A trip that usually took anywhere between 30 minutes to one hour took a mere 12 minutes, and there I was at the office gate.

I realised something was amiss, but I couldn't put my finger on it. Driving down the road to my office the streets had seemed a bit deserted but I don't mind. That's how I like it, no crowds. I could hear the birds singing as usual, so it was not dead silent. I had made sure to wear my name tag before leaving home so that wasn't the problem. I looked at my feet to make sure I had not left the house in my bathroom slippers as I once did, I had on my favourite 'knock about pumps' so that wasn't the problem either. Unusually, there were no cars parked around the perimeters of the building. I looked at my watch it was almost a quarter to eight so I couldn't possibly be the first to arrive work. That will be the day! I looked up to see all three security guards looking at me strangely.

That's when I remembered that it was a public holiday.

HOTEL SUZY II

In a panic I picked up my phone and tried Ismael's Canadian number, he answered at the first ring and I said "Ismael, you've got to come and help me, there are some men trying to break into my room." He muffled something I couldn't quite catch in reply, so I said "Speak up, what did you say?" Thats when he said "Idowu, some people are trying to break into my room."

I was too shocked to cry, I just croaked "Ismael, this is your country please help me, do something, call someone.." that was all I could say before I heard a loud bang at the other end of the line. Then the line went dead. All kinds of thoughts began racing through my mind. "Ha! they've killed him," "What if they want to rape me?" "I'm finished" "So this is how people die?" " God! so I left Nigeria to go and die in another man's country?" I was drawn out of my lamentations by a hard knock on the door. I immediately dove into the wardrobe. Then I dived right back out, grabbed my passport from underneath the mattress where I had hidden it earlier and stuffed it in the waist-band of my pyjamas trouser, pulled the top over it and went back to hide in the wardrobe. "At least if I get to escape I can travel back to my country", I thought.

I had scarcely closed the wardrobe door when the hotel room door burst open. I heard noisy movements like a battalion of soldiers had entered the room. I heard them cocking their guns, ready to shoot. They were tearing the room apart searching for me. I heard one of them say "où est-elle?" meaning where is she? and then another voice said "vérifier la salle de bain" that is, check the bathroom. I was holding my breathe so much that I was barely breathing. I have always heard of silent tears but that was the first time it ever happened to me. Tears of fright rolled down my cheeks and soaked my pyjamas top. When I looked through the cracks in the wardrobe door, I saw a battered army boot and a rifle pointed at my face. Cold fear ran down my spine where I was sweating profusely. And when someone opened the door to the larger  compartment of the wardrobe, I almost yelped but covered my mouth just in time, my bladder suddenly threatening to burst open. In my mind I was praying all kinds of prayers "God if you save me this time I will never do anything bad in my life again. I will start going to church, I will not be rude or proud any more, I will give to the needy and help the poor, I will preach the gospel. Just save me."

Stanmer Court, University of Sussex UK, 2009

I was waiting for them to open the smaller compartment of the wardrobe where I was hiding thinking I'll just feign death or perhaps just surrender. However, in a weird twist of fate, they didn't open the smaller compartment, all I heard was the other wardrobe door slammed shut. I heard someone taking a pee in the bathroom, he made such a loud noise it almost seemed like it was a cow peeing. At this point it seemed like the men had given up looking for me but they were still in the room this time speaking in rapid French that I couldn't quite grasp but I heard "mademoiselle" and "Nigerian".  The one who was standing by the wardrobe door near me said something that must have meant "lets go" because they all started leaving the room. I was about to heave a sigh of relief when my phone started ringing. 

The loudest fire alarm I've ever heard is the one that seemed to blare every other day at my hostel in Stanmer Court at the University of Sussex. The alarm was so loud and shrilly that your ears kept ringing for twenty minutes after the alarm has been turned off. For one to fully grasp just how loud the shrill of my phone ringer was at that moment, one has to go stand by a cathedral bell when it is being rung at prayer time, then you will know just how loud my iphone's old telephone ringtone sounded. I died a million times in that one second before the wardrobe door was yanked open, almost clear off its hinges. I was roughly pulled out of the wardrobe by a fierce looking soldier dressed in obviously dirty army fatigues. His grimmy fingers digging into my arm where he held me as I squirmed in pain and fear. All I could say was "s'il vous plaît, s'il vous plaît" meaning "please".

The man looked me up and down and smiled cruelly showing reddish black teeth, testament of a zillion years of chewing raw tobacco. I almost puked but I looked into his cold black beady eyes and knew that this man will not hesitate to kill me if I threw-up on his dirty boots. He shoved me to face another soldier who appeared to be their superior, I noticed he was over six feet tall, slightly better dressed than the rest of the other soldiers who were even worse looking than Mr. Tobacco Teeth.  But he had a scowl on his surprisingly handsome face. He said in broken English "Are you madam for minisree?" The first ray of hope, I said "Yes! oui, ministère de l'agriculture..." (I pronounced it d'lagrikulchui). The man laughed suddenly, his face creasing into friendly lines, and said "don worri I speaks English, your French bad. Welcome to Guinea Conakry. I yam Officer Abdou Coulibay." I stood there looking in surprise then he said " Minisree sen us."  I shouted "You came to save me." I hugged him, body odour and all, while his men laughed and whistled. It was one of the happiest moments of my life.

I was united with Ismael a few minutes later, he told me he had called his contact at the ministry before I called him and they had sent the soldiers to rescue us. The burglars had run off when they heard the soldiers coming. He was asked to stay in his room where two soldiers kept guard while the rest of the soldiers went in search of me. We were moved to another hotel that dawn, Hotel Le'Rocher, where I slept peacefully for the rest of the morning. 

It was when I woke up and looked outside my windows that I realised that my room at Hotel Le'Rocher directly overlooked a mortuary!