MISTAKEN IDENTITY

"Hi sweetheart, welcome to Rhapsody's" the familiar greeting was coming from a fair, tall, good looking, bartender who always attended to me whenever I visited my favourite lounge in Accra. His familiarity no longer got me miffed though I couldn't help a grimace. I do not get how people easily use words of endearments like "honey" "love" "darling" for people they barely know. It is offensive to me. I mean, its tough as it is calling my boyfriend by anything other than his name. Not that I am a stiff or cold person in anyway.

At home in Accra, Ghana June, 2012

He led me to my usual table by the window, all smiles, showing yellowish teeth. His big nose seemed to flatten as his smile widened. He was already getting on my nerves, as usual. "I'll have a jagermeister please" I almost snapped. He hurried away as I whipped out my phone to check my messages. Its never easy eating out alone but what choice did I have? I had been in Accra for a little over three months and was desperately looking for an apartment. I was out to "wash" the purchase of my car, sadly, alone. I missed my sisters and friends.

The bartender returned a few minutes later with my drink, his smile even wider than before. "Sweetheart" he breathed, "your colleagues are around." "What colleagues?" I asked. To the best of my knowledge no one knew me in Accra and I didn't know anyone, the reason for my lonely celebration. In answer he told me that some Nigerian and Ghanaian artists like Jim Iyke and Majid Micheal we in the Mall. At my look of surprise, he explained further that he is a budding actor and hoped that I would introduce him to them in order to kick-start his acting career. "I will be forever grateful to you" he said. I was nonplussed, thinking to myself "wetin concern cele with slippers?"

The look on my face must have made him realise something was wrong because the next instant he was saying "Are you not a Nigerian actress?" By now I was more than slightly irritated I answered in the negative. He quickly excused himself and returned a few minutes later, another similarly dressed young man in tow. The young man leaned forward peering at me through narrowed eyes and asked "Aunty excuse me, what is your name?" "My name is Idowu. Is there a problem?" I asked in reply, a cool note entering my voice. Then the young man said in a raised voice "So you're not Tonto Dikeh?" I was at once surprised, angry and finally somewhat glad. After all its not everyday one is compared to a beautiful actress. Before I could summon an answer the bartender gave me a disgusted look, spun on his heels and walked away grumbling loudly about people who deceive others and how he had wasted weeks trying to impress me.

See me see trouble.